Another Manic Monday...
There I was, enduring the loud screeching of the breaks coupled with the incessant jerking of the car. However, it was the irritating squeals of the toddler fighting belligerently to get out of his stroller and into his mother's lap that made me stop and think, "Ah yes... another manic Monday." I laughed to myself thinking how hilarious but also implausible it would be if my brother happened to meet a "normal" mortal - for lack of better words. For the heterosexual male mortal is an odd creature, let alone does strange things. Well at least my brother does... With this being the 21st century , it seems reality will soon be encapsulated in what they now call the World Wide Web, or the Information Super-highway. At any rate, my brother needed a little assistance in the romance department so I decided to lend an ever so powerful hand. Although he is known to be quite the ladies man, for some strange inadequate reason, he is unable to hold onto love. So I suggested what any good mortal looking for love would do, logging in and choose an equally floundering, desperate, mate looking for the same from a database pool of thousands of meager and deploreable profiles, - E-Harmony to be exact. I should know best since I am a member of Match.com, E-Harmony, Chemistry.com, TogetherDating.com, SinglesNet.com, Adam4Adam.com, Men4Now.com, GaySexNow.com, Gay.com, GaySinglesOnline, and others... Hey, while in Rome... eh? You get the point. So I am a little socially inept, but hey... with my help he's bound to meet someone interesting for sure! Plus he knows to listen to me and not get me upset since I do have his best interests at heart.
Needless to say, I had to severely edit his E-Harmony profile. "SBM - Single Black Man with a nice body, car, and job ISO brickhouse between ages 25-35" did not seem remotely appealing. So with my tenacity and understanding for what a female wants, I think I hooked his profile up quite nicely. I tailored his profile for a strong, beautiful, female, with a caring heart, and who is looking for commitment. Note to self: buy headphones for iPod. That toddler is going to make me lose my cool... Why doesn't she just pick that ankle-bitter up out the stroller and place him in her lap? I felt beads of perspiration on my brow, and was having difficulty breathing. Why doesn't she stuff a pacifier in his mouth to shut him UP?!?! I could feel my buttocks swelling which only meant the rest of my body was to follow. I quickly rushed to the opposite end of the car.
*BING* *BONG*
"Please step away from the doors..."
Thank God this is my stop... I just need... some... air. I bolted out the doors as if my ass was on fire, and it literally felt like so.
"Are you alright?" Is all I heard as I was hunched over the subway bench, ass in air, gasping for air. I'm sure to have made some females smile and a few males as well with my bulging posterior-end wiggling in the air.
I looked up and to my aid was the Goddess herself. I could sense she was more than the average moral female. I really don't believe she was mortal at all, for they don't quite look like her. She had a glow. She's perfect!
"Are you alright?" she asked again.
"Eh, yes... I'm fine... Thank you."
I stared in awe, for this was no ordinary being. There's something about her and I just can't place it. I need to know this lady. Unfortunately, before I could ask her name, she lifted me up and handed me my messenger bag, smiled, and walked away. I had bigger problems though. I needed to shrink this ass before my shift at the Coffee Shop. Don't you just love Mondays?!?!
Needless to say, I had to severely edit his E-Harmony profile. "SBM - Single Black Man with a nice body, car, and job ISO brickhouse between ages 25-35" did not seem remotely appealing. So with my tenacity and understanding for what a female wants, I think I hooked his profile up quite nicely. I tailored his profile for a strong, beautiful, female, with a caring heart, and who is looking for commitment. Note to self: buy headphones for iPod. That toddler is going to make me lose my cool... Why doesn't she just pick that ankle-bitter up out the stroller and place him in her lap? I felt beads of perspiration on my brow, and was having difficulty breathing. Why doesn't she stuff a pacifier in his mouth to shut him UP?!?! I could feel my buttocks swelling which only meant the rest of my body was to follow. I quickly rushed to the opposite end of the car.
*BING* *BONG*
"Please step away from the doors..."
Thank God this is my stop... I just need... some... air. I bolted out the doors as if my ass was on fire, and it literally felt like so.
"Are you alright?" Is all I heard as I was hunched over the subway bench, ass in air, gasping for air. I'm sure to have made some females smile and a few males as well with my bulging posterior-end wiggling in the air.
I looked up and to my aid was the Goddess herself. I could sense she was more than the average moral female. I really don't believe she was mortal at all, for they don't quite look like her. She had a glow. She's perfect!
"Are you alright?" she asked again.
"Eh, yes... I'm fine... Thank you."
I stared in awe, for this was no ordinary being. There's something about her and I just can't place it. I need to know this lady. Unfortunately, before I could ask her name, she lifted me up and handed me my messenger bag, smiled, and walked away. I had bigger problems though. I needed to shrink this ass before my shift at the Coffee Shop. Don't you just love Mondays?!?!
posted by Mr. E at
1:18 PM
3 Comments
